probably t.m.i.

I was told the other day that my liver wasn't working quite right. I was questioned about alcohol consumption on the night before my blood work was done. I had to tell them I have no good stories to tell because I don't drink. Before the week was over, I was asked 3 more times about my drinking habits. I finally said - can you make a note in my medical file that I don't drink? Never have. Not ever. Not even once. She laughed and made a note on my file. The next day someone asked me if I drank any alcohol before my blood work was done. I asked, would you mind getting a highlighter and circling the note on my file about the fact that I have never touched alcohol in all of my living days? (is that so unusual?)

Anyway, I had to go get an ultrasound done so they could get a few snapshots of my insides. I was told to go fasting, but to drink 32 oz of water one hour before the test. I learned something about myself. I don't have a 32 oz bladder. I was kept in the waiting room for an additional 10 minutes and by the time the ultrasound started I had to have a conversation with the cute young ultrasound technician that we were about to have a medical emergency on our hands (well, maybe not a medical emergency, but a very real emergency nonetheless). He promised he would hurry. My definition of hurrying would be to quickly get the work done. His definition of hurrying entailed pressing directly on my bladder for extended periods of time. I don't think I have ever been in such a precarious predicament in all my adult life. He finally let me take a bathroom break before he inspected the rest of my innards. I had to ask him "when you were in grade school, did you ever dream that one day you would look at people's spleens?" He laughed and admitted that it never crossed his mind.

Apparently my spleen is in excellent condition. He said my liver looked fine too. That's good to know.