Thursday, January 8, 2015

Cleaning out my phone

Sometimes I just like to remember funny conversations I have over text and facebook.

Melanie: "Look what I found in the garden today. It's a big ol' caterpillar. I looked it up, it's a Carolina Sphinx."
Me: "I can't believe you picked that up!"
Melanie: "It was kind of squishy. I will probably become one ugly moth. I made a home for it in the back yard by the yellow bush. I've named it Horace."
(When I got home, she wanted to show me. Unfortunately, it had escaped the beautiful home Melanie prepared)

Melanie at the bank - "Those suckers on the counter are not even good, so don't be tempted by them. I just ate one last time to be nice. It tasted like medicine. A cough drop on a stick."

(telling me about being asked out on date)
Melanie: "How old are you?"
Random man she recently met: "30, is that too old for you?"
Melanie: "I don't know, do you wear dentures?"

Some funny things from facebook:

How many days does it take for raw meat in the oven (forgotten meatloaf) to manifest itself?
Day 1-4 nothing.
Day 5 "did someone forget to take out the trash?"
Day 6 "oh my heck - did something die in our house?" (I think tomorrow the fumes might have killed us in our sleep).
Deb Holli: LOL. Did a similar one. Bought ribs and they made it to the basement, but not the freezer. Eeewww!
Helle Brand: Mine got left in the car--and your count of days is just about right!
Myrenda Ramirez: My mom left leftover Red Lobster in her trunk. That stink is a beast.
Me: Myrenda, our car is a year and a half old. Occasionally I can still smell that "new car" smell. I know the day that we leave Red Lobster leftovers in it, or spill some milk . . . that will be the beginning of the end. I'm dreading the day.
Chris Opel: We did the same things with steaks, we purchased for our anniversary dinner. Left them in the back seat of our mini van.
Nancy Adams: My mom once forgot that she cooked two turkeys for Thanksgiving. Left one in a turned-off oven to serve later. The oven was out in her Arizona room. I think the discovery was in February.
Roxanne: Why was there raw meat in an oven that was off mom?
Me: Because after we ate those meatballs for Sunday dinner, I put the rest of the meat into a pan to cook after dinner. Then I had to run off to a meeting and I remember thinking - I hope someone smells the meat while I'm gone and takes it out before I get home. Well apparently no one smelled it because the oven didn't get turned on.
Roxanne: Ahhh that makes sense!
Kelly Currier:  I once left a mini cooler- the kind that fits a six-pack or a couple packages of hot dogs in my trunk . . . with a couple packages of hot dogs in it after 4th of July.  Can't remember how long it took to make the discovery, but my car smelled like there was a body in the trunk by the time we found it. The car was about 1 1/2 years old and never smelled like new car again after that.
Marianne Evensen:  We forgot a potato salad in my old VW. The whole bowl slid under the passenger seat and I didn't find it for a couple of weeks. That was not a pleasant smell either.

Dave and I walked to the movie theater tonight. It was all well and good until the movie was over and Dave was trying to remember where we parked the car. He was a bit disappointed to realize we had to walk home too.

Wish I had my camera at the mall today. I saw a fully costumed Elvis, circa 1973, waiting in line to get a pretzel. Then on my way to my car, there was a 40ish year old man, chubby, balding, frumpy grey t-shirt and jeans wearing the most amazing pair of silver studded 4" stilettos.
What is the correct protocol for snapping pics of strangers? I walked by a few minutes later and Elvis was sitting all by himself at the food court. I so wanted to take a picture but it was kind of sad too. I think if you plan on a full out Elvis costume, you should find some friends to tag along as groupies.

Mexico. Day One. Port One. Minute Two. Got stopped by the drug sniffing dogs. (Apparently the pear I had in my hand from breakfast is illegal contraband to bring into the country)

Me: My 91 year old father-in-law is a sign reader. That may sound benign, until you realize HOW MANY billboards and signs are in Phoenix!!
Becky Cook: I miss spending time around that man! You guys are lucky!
Me: Yes, Becky, we are lucky. And, on the upside of the sign reading . . . I'm actually aware of some businesses he has pointed out around town that I was unaware of.
Geri Chase: I have a friend like that. She reads Every. Single. Sign. from North Phoenix all the way to the airport.
Me: Yes, Geri . . . EVERY SINGLE SIGN. Billboards, stores, ads on trucks, street signs, stop signs, yield signs, license plates.
Lynn Wagner:  LOLOLOL Apparently, I am a sign reader too. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. I guess I drove Mark crazy driving across the country. It did take a couple days until I realized he was no longer responding to my comments. I just could not believe he was NOT noticing what the signs say. HAHA I have taken steps to deal with my problem now.

Me: I opened the front door of the car and called for my dog to hop in and go for a ride. She made a flying leap faceplant into the closed back door of the car. She missed the open door by about 8 inches. What the heck Lexi!??
Melanie: Hahahahahaha sucker. She needs her smart mother back home to guide her into proper leaping techniques.
Madeline: Perhaps it is time for that eye exam!

From Madeline: